Ever find yourself asking God “why?” “Why me? What did I do to deserve this? Do you even love me? Are you even there?”
I have plenty of times. And to be honest I still do. The past couple of weeks have been quite difficult. More than I had anticipated I guess. I told James that I have had trouble wanting to sit down and have my quite time with God. I told him that I didn’t think I was angry with Him or at least I didn’t feel like I was, but for some reason I had no desire to sit down with my Bible and to spend quality time with Him. I prayed that night that God would give me a yearning. A passion. To sit down and spend some time with Him. So here I am on this Monday morning. He gave me the time and the desire to sit down and have that time with Him.
I learned something this morning. I’ve learned something that I’ve always known but it is one of those aha moments. Although I feel alone and that God isn’t near I’m seeing now that He was near me all along. He is in the text messages I receive daily from sweet friends with prayers, scriptures, and words of encouragement. He is in the hugs of those that I see. He is in the meals that people so graciously gave up their time and money to provide for my family. He is in the cards that we get almost daily. You see He’s always near. I just wasn’t looking. I realized that I’m still healing. My heart hurts (constantly it seems) but I am somehow seeing a ray of hope. I know that He is working behind the scenes and preparing me and James for something way bigger than we can imagine.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5
“He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.”